Christian Life Program - The road to know more about God, and also to become a member of Singles For Christ. A good friend introduced me to this program six years ago. Though I failed to finish it the first time, I'm taking another shot at it. I've been waiting for this. To make this more interesting, I guess I have to make something out of it.
This is my second try to finish the program. I now have a new mindset. I must also think of new ways to keep the lessons "fresh" in my memory. So I'm making a record of the sessions we'll be attending for the next 13 weeks. This way, I can always go back and read whatever I have written here and be reminded of the great experience the CLP has to offer.
My next posts will be about the talks, experiences, and a first-person view of the events that will take place on the duration of the program. I pray to God to grant me the wisdom, the willing heart and loads of paper and pen to complete this. Also I hope to make a good account of the insights I will gain from this program. Through this, I pray that I can finally share the Word of God and my reflection on this.
Cheers to a start of a brand new adventure!
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Back to September
So it's September. I have a number of things to celebrate/commemorate/hope for this year.
Things to commemorate/celebrate:
> Here comes the "Ber" months. The Christmas countdown begins. It's been my habit to greet "Merry Christmas" every 1st of September. So let me give a shout out to everyone. Have a Merry Christmas! Please don't forget my presents! LOL!
> A bittersweet thought: Last year was the first (and last) time I celebrated someone special's birthday. I loved that experience anyways, so I won't have any regrets right no, though our story has come to a close. I can only wish that she's doing well right now. :)
> September also happens to be the birth month of one of my best friends who had the greatest influence over me during the latter half of my college years. I will be able to greet my good old friend again for the sixth straight year. Long lost friend no more. Her thoughts are still resounding in my ears. I'm grateful I can still apply those in my current situation. Thanks to my Kambal. :)
> It's been almost a year since my closest friend and her family (whom I consider as my second) had migrated to Canada. The last time I saw her was September last year. Though parted by seas, I'm just glad we're still in touch with each other. I can continue sharing my stories and experiences with her. I'm glad that she's always there to listen, especially during my days of trial. I'm missing the entire family as well. How I wish I can take another taste of Tita Nanay's mouth-watering dishes and desserts. Hopefully, I can see the entire family again. In God's time, I know it will happen. :)
Something to hope for:
> I have been waiting for this day to come for more than two weeks. Now it has arrived. It's time to go back to the glory days, to celebrate my restored faith in Him, to sing Him praises and thank Him for everything.
Welcome back to Christian Life Program, Macoy :)
Six years ago, this has been one of the reasons I gained a lot of happy memories to date. I may have failed to complete it, but the lessons I learned and the experience I earned was something I cannot forget. During those days, I enjoyed singing to my heart's content. I became quite a better speaker. I was able to share the bible stories I know of and my own thoughts and reflection on the weekly theme. Only by that time have I really felt that I was able to "preach/share" the Word of God. From what I know, the Word of God must undergo this Four-Way Process: Read, Understand, Apply, and Share. I have read a lot. I understood some. I applied a little. I shared a bit. I think it's about time to change what I used to practice before.
Back on my late elementary and early high school days, I was able to read a lot of bible stories. I lent my copy of "My Book of Bible Stories" to my childhood friends for them to better understand what I have shared with them. I was very comfortable playing the role of a priest when I was in high school. I even thought of entering the seminary due to this interest. However, years passed and I seemed to have lost my urge to do so. Then here comes another checkpoint. I had two options on the course I wanted to take in college: Legal Management or Education Major in Religious Studies. I chose the former, although I kept my high interest in religion. I was able to get high grades in my Religion subjects, thanks to bible stories I have read in my childhood. I think I fared better in religion than my in major subjects (why have I only realized this just now? It might have been some sign for things to come). But after the last religion subject I took, I'm back to my old self. I became preoccupied with the worldly matters: Work, money, hobbies. Bit by bit, I (seem to) have ignored the spiritual aspect of life. I failed to attend the regular Sunday masses. In fact, I was only able to attend them during special occasions. I failed to pray regularly. I stopped communicating with Him. I will only call Him during the days I felt like I'm lost and needed guidance. For these reasons, I slowly realized that I have been missing something huge in my life. Life has been normal without me praying and going to church. What I do not know or pay attention to is that it will be special if I can fulfill my obligation as a Catholic, once more.
So here I am again. I just experienced that great lost. I called to Him once again, and He welcomed me with open arms.
Is it really necessary to lose something or to experience major problems or life-changing situations before we go back to Him? I'm quite ashamed that I have to, without thinking that we can call Him anytime. He is just waiting for our call. If there is someone who will never leave us, that will be God. We will never be alone if we have Him in our lives. He is the Greatest Source of Happiness. The Omnipotent, Ever-present, and Omniscient One. God is always with us. :)
Now that I had a chance to be back to Him, I will happily take this road again. This time, there's no going back. I will sing Him praises once more. I will try to Read, Understand, Apply, and Share the Word of God again. I will ask for the same Gift of the Holy Spirit once again. He brought back the joy in my heart, so it is but right to be a good son to Him.
Let me be an instrument of peace.
Happy to be back in CLP :)
Things to commemorate/celebrate:
> Here comes the "Ber" months. The Christmas countdown begins. It's been my habit to greet "Merry Christmas" every 1st of September. So let me give a shout out to everyone. Have a Merry Christmas! Please don't forget my presents! LOL!
> A bittersweet thought: Last year was the first (and last) time I celebrated someone special's birthday. I loved that experience anyways, so I won't have any regrets right no, though our story has come to a close. I can only wish that she's doing well right now. :)
> September also happens to be the birth month of one of my best friends who had the greatest influence over me during the latter half of my college years. I will be able to greet my good old friend again for the sixth straight year. Long lost friend no more. Her thoughts are still resounding in my ears. I'm grateful I can still apply those in my current situation. Thanks to my Kambal. :)
> It's been almost a year since my closest friend and her family (whom I consider as my second) had migrated to Canada. The last time I saw her was September last year. Though parted by seas, I'm just glad we're still in touch with each other. I can continue sharing my stories and experiences with her. I'm glad that she's always there to listen, especially during my days of trial. I'm missing the entire family as well. How I wish I can take another taste of Tita Nanay's mouth-watering dishes and desserts. Hopefully, I can see the entire family again. In God's time, I know it will happen. :)
Something to hope for:
> I have been waiting for this day to come for more than two weeks. Now it has arrived. It's time to go back to the glory days, to celebrate my restored faith in Him, to sing Him praises and thank Him for everything.
Welcome back to Christian Life Program, Macoy :)
Six years ago, this has been one of the reasons I gained a lot of happy memories to date. I may have failed to complete it, but the lessons I learned and the experience I earned was something I cannot forget. During those days, I enjoyed singing to my heart's content. I became quite a better speaker. I was able to share the bible stories I know of and my own thoughts and reflection on the weekly theme. Only by that time have I really felt that I was able to "preach/share" the Word of God. From what I know, the Word of God must undergo this Four-Way Process: Read, Understand, Apply, and Share. I have read a lot. I understood some. I applied a little. I shared a bit. I think it's about time to change what I used to practice before.
Back on my late elementary and early high school days, I was able to read a lot of bible stories. I lent my copy of "My Book of Bible Stories" to my childhood friends for them to better understand what I have shared with them. I was very comfortable playing the role of a priest when I was in high school. I even thought of entering the seminary due to this interest. However, years passed and I seemed to have lost my urge to do so. Then here comes another checkpoint. I had two options on the course I wanted to take in college: Legal Management or Education Major in Religious Studies. I chose the former, although I kept my high interest in religion. I was able to get high grades in my Religion subjects, thanks to bible stories I have read in my childhood. I think I fared better in religion than my in major subjects (why have I only realized this just now? It might have been some sign for things to come). But after the last religion subject I took, I'm back to my old self. I became preoccupied with the worldly matters: Work, money, hobbies. Bit by bit, I (seem to) have ignored the spiritual aspect of life. I failed to attend the regular Sunday masses. In fact, I was only able to attend them during special occasions. I failed to pray regularly. I stopped communicating with Him. I will only call Him during the days I felt like I'm lost and needed guidance. For these reasons, I slowly realized that I have been missing something huge in my life. Life has been normal without me praying and going to church. What I do not know or pay attention to is that it will be special if I can fulfill my obligation as a Catholic, once more.
So here I am again. I just experienced that great lost. I called to Him once again, and He welcomed me with open arms.
Is it really necessary to lose something or to experience major problems or life-changing situations before we go back to Him? I'm quite ashamed that I have to, without thinking that we can call Him anytime. He is just waiting for our call. If there is someone who will never leave us, that will be God. We will never be alone if we have Him in our lives. He is the Greatest Source of Happiness. The Omnipotent, Ever-present, and Omniscient One. God is always with us. :)
Now that I had a chance to be back to Him, I will happily take this road again. This time, there's no going back. I will sing Him praises once more. I will try to Read, Understand, Apply, and Share the Word of God again. I will ask for the same Gift of the Holy Spirit once again. He brought back the joy in my heart, so it is but right to be a good son to Him.
Let me be an instrument of peace.
Happy to be back in CLP :)
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Dreaming On...
It is the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life more interesting. - Excerpt from The Alchemist , Paulo Coehlo
My posts here have always been connected to my dreams and wishes. As I celebrate three years of insanity and absurdity, let me start another year with some of the renewed sources of that crazy sensation.
First: Faith
This is something I have neglected for quite some time. I'm somehow ashamed of the fact that one of my dreams has to end before I realize how big of a hole I was missing in my life. I failed to think about the Ultimate Source of Happiness when I was experiencing another kind of excitement. At the end of the day, I woke up to see a dream with open eyes. A dream has ended, yet another has been reborn.
It all started with silence. After a year filled with happiness comes a few weeks of total silence. I was there before. I'm used to the world where only I exist. I grew on the world concerned only for things of human nature. I was back to being a loner; not until I heard a voice calling me. I sought that voice, and I understood that I was never really alone. My search for human nature has been halted, the same day that my search for the Spirit began.
In silence, we can meet Him. In silence, the Holy Spirit will envelope us. In silence, we can freely talk to Him: praise Him, ask for forgiveness, thank Him, and pray for our wishes. A few moments with God will make a significant difference in our lives. Trust me. It makes a weary heart filled with laughter. With Him, everything will be alright.
He may have taken away some things from us, but rest assured that He had already laid a better plan for us to lead.
The main source of inspiration gives life to my other dreams...
Second: My long-term goal.
Not a single day have I forgotten about my dream of being a lawyer. I already took the first step two years ago - only to falter before taking another step for a million of reasons. I felt weak back then, losing all the confidence I had when I was just about to start the whole process. I had no choice but to put away the books, handouts and my pen back to my stock room.
Crushed even before the enemy fires the first shot. Back then, I let the coward side of me to prevail.
Today is a different story. I had revived my Faith. My heart had never been this light before. My mind is running in full steam. Unfortunately, I only have a pocketful of coins. God will provide, I know He will :) For the meantime, I will save for my future, and be back there in God's time. A good friend affirmed that it is not yet too late for me. I could be 50 and still, I can go back to school. Talk about thinking positive.
I promise to continue what I have started. I'm not running away from my dream again. My counterattack starts now.
And third: A star I will keep on gazing at.
That little spark have kept me alive in the oblivion. Darkness will never prevail as long as there is even a tiny ray of light guiding my way. Since then, that simple star has been one of the reasons my days have been brighter. Simple, yet extraordinary.
That star has revived my passion to go further - to be better than my best, to take full accountability on my tasks and to continue on searching for all the possible answers to my questions. That star awakened the learner in me. It may not be known to that star that I was already following her light. I guess, it is better like this. I can continue looking at that star in silence, seeking her light, and trying to reach it. As long as her light shines, I can continue learning. I can keep following that dream, and perhaps, I will be a better person. I am more than happy just looking on that simple star, after all, the possibility of reaching it can only make life more interesting.
My posts here have always been connected to my dreams and wishes. As I celebrate three years of insanity and absurdity, let me start another year with some of the renewed sources of that crazy sensation.
First: Faith
This is something I have neglected for quite some time. I'm somehow ashamed of the fact that one of my dreams has to end before I realize how big of a hole I was missing in my life. I failed to think about the Ultimate Source of Happiness when I was experiencing another kind of excitement. At the end of the day, I woke up to see a dream with open eyes. A dream has ended, yet another has been reborn.
It all started with silence. After a year filled with happiness comes a few weeks of total silence. I was there before. I'm used to the world where only I exist. I grew on the world concerned only for things of human nature. I was back to being a loner; not until I heard a voice calling me. I sought that voice, and I understood that I was never really alone. My search for human nature has been halted, the same day that my search for the Spirit began.
In silence, we can meet Him. In silence, the Holy Spirit will envelope us. In silence, we can freely talk to Him: praise Him, ask for forgiveness, thank Him, and pray for our wishes. A few moments with God will make a significant difference in our lives. Trust me. It makes a weary heart filled with laughter. With Him, everything will be alright.
He may have taken away some things from us, but rest assured that He had already laid a better plan for us to lead.
The main source of inspiration gives life to my other dreams...
Second: My long-term goal.
Not a single day have I forgotten about my dream of being a lawyer. I already took the first step two years ago - only to falter before taking another step for a million of reasons. I felt weak back then, losing all the confidence I had when I was just about to start the whole process. I had no choice but to put away the books, handouts and my pen back to my stock room.
Crushed even before the enemy fires the first shot. Back then, I let the coward side of me to prevail.
Today is a different story. I had revived my Faith. My heart had never been this light before. My mind is running in full steam. Unfortunately, I only have a pocketful of coins. God will provide, I know He will :) For the meantime, I will save for my future, and be back there in God's time. A good friend affirmed that it is not yet too late for me. I could be 50 and still, I can go back to school. Talk about thinking positive.
I promise to continue what I have started. I'm not running away from my dream again. My counterattack starts now.
And third: A star I will keep on gazing at.
That little spark have kept me alive in the oblivion. Darkness will never prevail as long as there is even a tiny ray of light guiding my way. Since then, that simple star has been one of the reasons my days have been brighter. Simple, yet extraordinary.
That star has revived my passion to go further - to be better than my best, to take full accountability on my tasks and to continue on searching for all the possible answers to my questions. That star awakened the learner in me. It may not be known to that star that I was already following her light. I guess, it is better like this. I can continue looking at that star in silence, seeking her light, and trying to reach it. As long as her light shines, I can continue learning. I can keep following that dream, and perhaps, I will be a better person. I am more than happy just looking on that simple star, after all, the possibility of reaching it can only make life more interesting.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Tatlong Taon ng Kabaliwan at Kabalintunaan
Maligayang Kaarawan, Baliwantunaan!
Tatlong taon na din pala simula ng maisip kong gawin ang blog na ito. Bagaman madalang ko na ito napagtutuunan ng pansin, sa tuwing nababasa ko ang mga nakaraang post ko, kakaibang kagalakan ang nadarama ko. Nagmistulan na pala itong diary ko - ang bahagi ng akong pagkatao na nailahad ko sa madla. Masaya ako sapagkat kahit papaano, may maiiwan din ako sa mundo kung sakali man na mawala ako. Sa kasamaang palad, hindi puro kaaya-aya ang mga nakalimbag sa address na 'to. Kaya nga ako may babala sa itaas eh, hindi naman ako nagkulang sa paalala na para sa baliw na mambabasa lang 'to.
Nakabawi na ako sa 'yo.
Sa loob ng tatlong taon, samu't saring mga kwento, pananaw (kung maituturing man na pananaw talaga iyon), damdamin, karanasan, at syempre, kabaliwan at kabalintunaan ang naibahagi ko sa blog na ito. Karamihan dito, hindi ko masasabing pinag-isipan ko ng matagal. Hindi ako sigurado kung tama pa ba ang mga nililimbag ko. Sa kagustuhang alamin ang saloobin ng iba sa mga ginawa ko, sinubukan kong i-search ang sarili kong blog sa Google. Isa sa mga resultang nakapukaw sa aking pansin ay ang isang banggit na nahahanay sa "di pormal na sanaysay". Hindi ko ito ikakahiya. Sabagay, hindi naman ako talaga sumusunod sa mga teknikal na aspeto ng pagsusulat simula't sapul na gawin ko ang blog na 'to. Isana paraan lang ito ng pagpapahayag. Malaya. Kung ituring man ng mga teknikal na pag-aaral na masama ito, wala akong iindahin. Dito lang ako nakakadaldal. Ito ang pinakamadaling tawiran ko ng aking mga naiisip at nararamdaman, sapagkat di naman ako likas na makwento. Tahimik nga daw ako, reserved, introvert, mahiyain, at kung anu-ano pang maikakabit sa mga loner. Kaya't dito na lang ako humuhugot ng boses. Dito, ako ang hari ng mundo. Wala akong pinipilit na makiayon sa aking mga sinasabi, di tulad ng mga mapagsamantalang nasa kapangyarihan. Katulad din lang ako ng mga ilang tagapasimuno at tagapagpatupad ng batas, na kung minsan, sila mismo ang lumilimot sa mga patakarang kanilang ginagawa. Kalayaan ang habol ko dito. At sa aking pananaw, (naging responsableng mamamahayag din naman ako minsan, salamat sa campus journalism experience) nagawa ko namang magpaalala sa mga posibleng nilalaman nito. Ibinabalik ko sa mga tagamasid ang bola. Kayo na ang bahalang magsabi ng mga teknikal na aspeto. Basta ako, nagpapahayag lang nang may kalayaan.
Isa sa mga pangarap ko noong bata pa ako ay ang maging manunulat - kung hindi man ng mga nobela, kahit papaano, kahit sa mga pahayagan o kung sa iba pang naililimbag sa papel. Malinaw pa ang landas ko dito hanggang maghighschool ako. Pero sa huli, pinili ko ang isa ko pang gusto - ang pag-aaral ng batas (bagaman bigo sa simula). Sa ngayon, ang pangarap na 'to ay nagmistulan na lang na isang libangan, o kung hindi man, isang pampalipas oras. Minsan, madaming ideya o topic akong naiisip gawan ng lathalain (hindi pormal). Sa huli, dahil na din sa katamaran at kasipagan sa ibang bagay, hindi ko naisalin sa mga salita ang gusto kong ikwento. Dati, nagagawa ko pang isulat ang mga ideya. Pagdudugtungin, pagbabaliktarin, guguluhin, at saka aayusin para makabuo ng isang akda. Nung nag-aaral pa ako, nakakasunod pa naman ako sa mga pormal na istruktura ng pagsusulat ng mga sanaysay. Ngayon, makakaya ko pa din naman siguro, pero aminado ako na mahihirapan na ako sapagkat nasanay na ako sa ganitong istilo. Hindi ko pipilitin ang sarili ko. Masaya ako sa ganitong paraan. Magtatagpo din kami balang araw.
Hindi na muna ako mangangakong dadalasan ang pagpopost dito. Ayoko biguin ang sarili ko. Ayokong tuluyang dumilim ang matagal nang malabong pangarap ko sa pagsusulat. Gagawin ko lang ang gusto ko, na may kasamang konting responsibilidad. Dahil sa huli, ituturo pa din kita sa babala ko sa taas :) Yun lang ang kailangan kong palusot.
Tatlong taon. Babalikan kong muli ang lahat ng alaala ko dito. Tatawa, luluha, mapapangiti, sisimangot, mapapailing, mapapaisip. Salamat sa 'yo , Baliwantunaan. Ito ang totoo kong pagkatao. Walang itinatago, tapat sa bawat kataga.
Hanggang sa muli. Umaasa akong magpapatuloy ang kabaliwan at kabalintunaan sa susunod na tatlong taon, dekada, siglo, at milenyo.
#
Tatlong taon na din pala simula ng maisip kong gawin ang blog na ito. Bagaman madalang ko na ito napagtutuunan ng pansin, sa tuwing nababasa ko ang mga nakaraang post ko, kakaibang kagalakan ang nadarama ko. Nagmistulan na pala itong diary ko - ang bahagi ng akong pagkatao na nailahad ko sa madla. Masaya ako sapagkat kahit papaano, may maiiwan din ako sa mundo kung sakali man na mawala ako. Sa kasamaang palad, hindi puro kaaya-aya ang mga nakalimbag sa address na 'to. Kaya nga ako may babala sa itaas eh, hindi naman ako nagkulang sa paalala na para sa baliw na mambabasa lang 'to.
Nakabawi na ako sa 'yo.
Sa loob ng tatlong taon, samu't saring mga kwento, pananaw (kung maituturing man na pananaw talaga iyon), damdamin, karanasan, at syempre, kabaliwan at kabalintunaan ang naibahagi ko sa blog na ito. Karamihan dito, hindi ko masasabing pinag-isipan ko ng matagal. Hindi ako sigurado kung tama pa ba ang mga nililimbag ko. Sa kagustuhang alamin ang saloobin ng iba sa mga ginawa ko, sinubukan kong i-search ang sarili kong blog sa Google. Isa sa mga resultang nakapukaw sa aking pansin ay ang isang banggit na nahahanay sa "di pormal na sanaysay". Hindi ko ito ikakahiya. Sabagay, hindi naman ako talaga sumusunod sa mga teknikal na aspeto ng pagsusulat simula't sapul na gawin ko ang blog na 'to. Isana paraan lang ito ng pagpapahayag. Malaya. Kung ituring man ng mga teknikal na pag-aaral na masama ito, wala akong iindahin. Dito lang ako nakakadaldal. Ito ang pinakamadaling tawiran ko ng aking mga naiisip at nararamdaman, sapagkat di naman ako likas na makwento. Tahimik nga daw ako, reserved, introvert, mahiyain, at kung anu-ano pang maikakabit sa mga loner. Kaya't dito na lang ako humuhugot ng boses. Dito, ako ang hari ng mundo. Wala akong pinipilit na makiayon sa aking mga sinasabi, di tulad ng mga mapagsamantalang nasa kapangyarihan. Katulad din lang ako ng mga ilang tagapasimuno at tagapagpatupad ng batas, na kung minsan, sila mismo ang lumilimot sa mga patakarang kanilang ginagawa. Kalayaan ang habol ko dito. At sa aking pananaw, (naging responsableng mamamahayag din naman ako minsan, salamat sa campus journalism experience) nagawa ko namang magpaalala sa mga posibleng nilalaman nito. Ibinabalik ko sa mga tagamasid ang bola. Kayo na ang bahalang magsabi ng mga teknikal na aspeto. Basta ako, nagpapahayag lang nang may kalayaan.
Isa sa mga pangarap ko noong bata pa ako ay ang maging manunulat - kung hindi man ng mga nobela, kahit papaano, kahit sa mga pahayagan o kung sa iba pang naililimbag sa papel. Malinaw pa ang landas ko dito hanggang maghighschool ako. Pero sa huli, pinili ko ang isa ko pang gusto - ang pag-aaral ng batas (bagaman bigo sa simula). Sa ngayon, ang pangarap na 'to ay nagmistulan na lang na isang libangan, o kung hindi man, isang pampalipas oras. Minsan, madaming ideya o topic akong naiisip gawan ng lathalain (hindi pormal). Sa huli, dahil na din sa katamaran at kasipagan sa ibang bagay, hindi ko naisalin sa mga salita ang gusto kong ikwento. Dati, nagagawa ko pang isulat ang mga ideya. Pagdudugtungin, pagbabaliktarin, guguluhin, at saka aayusin para makabuo ng isang akda. Nung nag-aaral pa ako, nakakasunod pa naman ako sa mga pormal na istruktura ng pagsusulat ng mga sanaysay. Ngayon, makakaya ko pa din naman siguro, pero aminado ako na mahihirapan na ako sapagkat nasanay na ako sa ganitong istilo. Hindi ko pipilitin ang sarili ko. Masaya ako sa ganitong paraan. Magtatagpo din kami balang araw.
Hindi na muna ako mangangakong dadalasan ang pagpopost dito. Ayoko biguin ang sarili ko. Ayokong tuluyang dumilim ang matagal nang malabong pangarap ko sa pagsusulat. Gagawin ko lang ang gusto ko, na may kasamang konting responsibilidad. Dahil sa huli, ituturo pa din kita sa babala ko sa taas :) Yun lang ang kailangan kong palusot.
Tatlong taon. Babalikan kong muli ang lahat ng alaala ko dito. Tatawa, luluha, mapapangiti, sisimangot, mapapailing, mapapaisip. Salamat sa 'yo , Baliwantunaan. Ito ang totoo kong pagkatao. Walang itinatago, tapat sa bawat kataga.
Hanggang sa muli. Umaasa akong magpapatuloy ang kabaliwan at kabalintunaan sa susunod na tatlong taon, dekada, siglo, at milenyo.
#
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Romantisismo patungong Realismo : Patungo sa Landas kung saan Patuloy na Tumatayo at Humaharap sa mga Hamon ng Buhay
(Unang-una, pinasasalamatan ko ang aking mga kaibigan sa trabaho para sa isang magandang inspirasyon sa pamagat ng kabaliwang ito. Ipagpatawad nyo kung hanggang dito lang ang kinaya ng utak ko, pero syempre, inerereserba ko ang karapatang-ari sa inyo :D
Pangalawa, ito ay opinyon ko lamang bagaman may halong katotohanan. Hindi ako eksperto sa Wika at Panitikan , kaya gagamitin ko lamang ang mga Terminolohiyang nabanggit sa paraang mauunawaan ng karaniwang mambabasa (kung may magkainteres man na magbasa sa likha ng isang weirdo at baliw), ipagsawalambahala na ang anumang kaalaman sa tamang kahulugan ng Romantisismo at Realismo)
Nakabalik na ako. Ang weirdo at baliw na manunulat sa aking sarili.
Ako na mismo ang sumira sa kredibilidad ko. Nangako ako sa sarili ko na hindi na ako muling magsusulat ng mga patungkol sa taong minsa'y nagbigay-halaga sa isang tulad ko. Matinding kabaliwan talaga ang idinudulot ng pag-ibig. Baliw na nga ako, mas lalo pang lumala. Kaya kung mawawala na din ang epekto nito, siguro, makababalik na ang dating ako: 'yung ako na mas gusto ko, mas maayos, mas matalino, mas matured, pero mas tahimik, mas reserved, mas weirdo na parang may sariling mundo. Siguro, sapat nang naiwala ko ang sarili ko minsan. Pero di pa din ako sumusuko. Handa pa din akong mawala sa sarili ko, pero sa susunod na pagkakataon, hindi na ako isang baguhan at bobo pagdating doon. Magkaganunpaman, wala akong pinagsisihan sa mga nangyari. Nagmahal lang ako, at naging masaya , isang karanasang nakalimbag na sa isang kabanata sa libro ko.
Bumabalik na ang ngiti sa aking labi na walang kadahilanan. Tinatawanan ko na ang sarili ko. Magandang senyales na bumalik na si Baliwantunaan, ang Alter-Ego ko na matagal-tagal ko ding hindi nakaniig :)
Nagsisimula ang lahat sa Romantisismo. Katulad ng tipikal na mga kwento, nagkakakilala, nagkakamabutihan at nahuhulog: mga bahagi sa Simula at Saglit na Kasiyahan. Darating sa Tunggalian, patungo sa Kasukdulan. Sa Tunggalian magbibigay ng foreshadowing kung anong mangyayari sa Kasukdulan. Kung matibay ang naging pundasyon sa Simula at Saglit na Kasiglahan, mas malamang na malalampasan ang Tunggalian at maging ang Kasukdulan. Magandang tema ang mapupunta sa Kakalasan, tuloy-tuloy hanggang sa Wakas. Pero kung hindi ganto, isang malungkot na pagtatapos ang magaganap: REALISMO - ang masaklap na katotohanan ng buhay.
Sabagay, ang buhay naman ay isang Realismo - Realismong hinaluan ng iba't-iba pang ideolohiya.
Marahil, wala akong karapatang sumulat ng ganitong klaseng lathalain, o mas karapat-dapat na tawaging "walang-direksyong-pagbubulalas-ng-saloobin". Pasensya na, isa lamang akong Baliw na Frustrated Writer :) At ito ang First Love ko.
Napuno ng drama at komedya ang nagdaang Isa't-Kalahating Taon. Naabot ko ang Kasukdulan na abot-langit ang ngiti sapagkat ito ang unang beses na naranasan ko ang ganitong damdamin. Akala ko maayos na, pero nakalimutan kong balikan ang Simula. Madaming bagay pala akong isinaisantabi na tahimik na nakaapekto sa daloy ng kwento, lalo na sa mga pangunahing tauhan. Hindi maayos ang pagkakaestablish sa mga katangian ng mga tauhan, sa mga pangyayaring naganap sa Simula at Saglit na Kasiglahan. Ang mas nagpalala pa sa sitwasyon ay ang patuloy na pagbalewala sa mga maliliit na bagay na iyon. Nakalimutan (o Kinalimutan) ko ang kahalagahan ng Lahat ng bahagi ng kwento: isang pagpapatunay ng pagka-amateur ko sa pagsasalaysay (at pagsasabuhay). Napakadami ko pang dapat matutunan. Pero ngayon, malaking aral na ang naging pagkakamali ko sa unang kwentong nilikha ng malikot at magulo kong pag-iisip. Sa mga pangunahing tauhan, humihingi ako ng paumanhin sa aking pagkukulang.
Narating ko na ang kakalasan. Nabigo ang mga tauhan sa Kasukdulan, di tulad ng mga tipikal na kwento. Nauwi sa Trahedya ang Wakas - Kakambal na din ng Realismo. Dito nagtatapos ang lahat.
Maaaring nagwakas na ang kwento, pero ang mga aral nito ay mananatiling nakatatak sa mga kamay ng manunulat. Darating ang panahon na makapagsusulat akong muli ng panibagong kwento. At sa pagkakataong iyon, makakalamang na ako ng isang hakbang kontra sa mga maliliit na bagay na hinayaan kong sumira sa magandang banghay na aking inisip. May cheat sheet na ako , at hindi na ako aasa sa "walang-direksyon-kong-pag-iisip-ng-kung-anu-ano". ipinagpapasalamat ko ang karanasang ito. Wala akong pinanghihinayangan sa isang magandang simula, sa isang magandang kwento, bagaman nauwi sa Wakas. Hindi naman lahat ng kwento ay may masayang Wakas.
Meron nga bang masayang Wakas?
Nasa pag-iisip lang yan.
Kaya't eto ako ngayon. Patuloy na Tumatayo at Humaharap sa mga Hamon ng Buhay. Mag-isa man, alam kong madami pang mga pangalawa/pangatlong tauhan akong maaasahan. Ang ilan sa kanila, nakalimutan kong isama sa una kong kwento - isa sa mga malaking pagkakamali ko. Sa uulitin, hindi na ako magkakamali ng ganitong katindi. Syempre, bukas ako sa mga pagkakamali, sapagkat ito ang mga aral na higit na tumatatak sa akin. Pero iiwasan ko ng ulitin ang mga iyon. Natuto na ako. Tama na ang minsan. Mas uunlad ang isang manunulat kung tutuklas sya ng ibang istilo, at hindi gagamit ng parehong banghay, at parehong kakulangan, sa lahat ng kanyang katha. Panahon na din para gawin 'to. Malawak ang mundo. Nagkalat lang ang mga kaisipan sa tabi-tabi.
Hanggang sa susunod kong katha.
- Baliwantunaan,
07 Hulyo 2012
Pangalawa, ito ay opinyon ko lamang bagaman may halong katotohanan. Hindi ako eksperto sa Wika at Panitikan , kaya gagamitin ko lamang ang mga Terminolohiyang nabanggit sa paraang mauunawaan ng karaniwang mambabasa (kung may magkainteres man na magbasa sa likha ng isang weirdo at baliw), ipagsawalambahala na ang anumang kaalaman sa tamang kahulugan ng Romantisismo at Realismo)
Nakabalik na ako. Ang weirdo at baliw na manunulat sa aking sarili.
Ako na mismo ang sumira sa kredibilidad ko. Nangako ako sa sarili ko na hindi na ako muling magsusulat ng mga patungkol sa taong minsa'y nagbigay-halaga sa isang tulad ko. Matinding kabaliwan talaga ang idinudulot ng pag-ibig. Baliw na nga ako, mas lalo pang lumala. Kaya kung mawawala na din ang epekto nito, siguro, makababalik na ang dating ako: 'yung ako na mas gusto ko, mas maayos, mas matalino, mas matured, pero mas tahimik, mas reserved, mas weirdo na parang may sariling mundo. Siguro, sapat nang naiwala ko ang sarili ko minsan. Pero di pa din ako sumusuko. Handa pa din akong mawala sa sarili ko, pero sa susunod na pagkakataon, hindi na ako isang baguhan at bobo pagdating doon. Magkaganunpaman, wala akong pinagsisihan sa mga nangyari. Nagmahal lang ako, at naging masaya , isang karanasang nakalimbag na sa isang kabanata sa libro ko.
Bumabalik na ang ngiti sa aking labi na walang kadahilanan. Tinatawanan ko na ang sarili ko. Magandang senyales na bumalik na si Baliwantunaan, ang Alter-Ego ko na matagal-tagal ko ding hindi nakaniig :)
Nagsisimula ang lahat sa Romantisismo. Katulad ng tipikal na mga kwento, nagkakakilala, nagkakamabutihan at nahuhulog: mga bahagi sa Simula at Saglit na Kasiyahan. Darating sa Tunggalian, patungo sa Kasukdulan. Sa Tunggalian magbibigay ng foreshadowing kung anong mangyayari sa Kasukdulan. Kung matibay ang naging pundasyon sa Simula at Saglit na Kasiglahan, mas malamang na malalampasan ang Tunggalian at maging ang Kasukdulan. Magandang tema ang mapupunta sa Kakalasan, tuloy-tuloy hanggang sa Wakas. Pero kung hindi ganto, isang malungkot na pagtatapos ang magaganap: REALISMO - ang masaklap na katotohanan ng buhay.
Sabagay, ang buhay naman ay isang Realismo - Realismong hinaluan ng iba't-iba pang ideolohiya.
Marahil, wala akong karapatang sumulat ng ganitong klaseng lathalain, o mas karapat-dapat na tawaging "walang-direksyong-pagbubulalas-ng-saloobin". Pasensya na, isa lamang akong Baliw na Frustrated Writer :) At ito ang First Love ko.
Napuno ng drama at komedya ang nagdaang Isa't-Kalahating Taon. Naabot ko ang Kasukdulan na abot-langit ang ngiti sapagkat ito ang unang beses na naranasan ko ang ganitong damdamin. Akala ko maayos na, pero nakalimutan kong balikan ang Simula. Madaming bagay pala akong isinaisantabi na tahimik na nakaapekto sa daloy ng kwento, lalo na sa mga pangunahing tauhan. Hindi maayos ang pagkakaestablish sa mga katangian ng mga tauhan, sa mga pangyayaring naganap sa Simula at Saglit na Kasiglahan. Ang mas nagpalala pa sa sitwasyon ay ang patuloy na pagbalewala sa mga maliliit na bagay na iyon. Nakalimutan (o Kinalimutan) ko ang kahalagahan ng Lahat ng bahagi ng kwento: isang pagpapatunay ng pagka-amateur ko sa pagsasalaysay (at pagsasabuhay). Napakadami ko pang dapat matutunan. Pero ngayon, malaking aral na ang naging pagkakamali ko sa unang kwentong nilikha ng malikot at magulo kong pag-iisip. Sa mga pangunahing tauhan, humihingi ako ng paumanhin sa aking pagkukulang.
Narating ko na ang kakalasan. Nabigo ang mga tauhan sa Kasukdulan, di tulad ng mga tipikal na kwento. Nauwi sa Trahedya ang Wakas - Kakambal na din ng Realismo. Dito nagtatapos ang lahat.
Maaaring nagwakas na ang kwento, pero ang mga aral nito ay mananatiling nakatatak sa mga kamay ng manunulat. Darating ang panahon na makapagsusulat akong muli ng panibagong kwento. At sa pagkakataong iyon, makakalamang na ako ng isang hakbang kontra sa mga maliliit na bagay na hinayaan kong sumira sa magandang banghay na aking inisip. May cheat sheet na ako , at hindi na ako aasa sa "walang-direksyon-kong-pag-iisip-ng-kung-anu-ano". ipinagpapasalamat ko ang karanasang ito. Wala akong pinanghihinayangan sa isang magandang simula, sa isang magandang kwento, bagaman nauwi sa Wakas. Hindi naman lahat ng kwento ay may masayang Wakas.
Meron nga bang masayang Wakas?
Nasa pag-iisip lang yan.
Kaya't eto ako ngayon. Patuloy na Tumatayo at Humaharap sa mga Hamon ng Buhay. Mag-isa man, alam kong madami pang mga pangalawa/pangatlong tauhan akong maaasahan. Ang ilan sa kanila, nakalimutan kong isama sa una kong kwento - isa sa mga malaking pagkakamali ko. Sa uulitin, hindi na ako magkakamali ng ganitong katindi. Syempre, bukas ako sa mga pagkakamali, sapagkat ito ang mga aral na higit na tumatatak sa akin. Pero iiwasan ko ng ulitin ang mga iyon. Natuto na ako. Tama na ang minsan. Mas uunlad ang isang manunulat kung tutuklas sya ng ibang istilo, at hindi gagamit ng parehong banghay, at parehong kakulangan, sa lahat ng kanyang katha. Panahon na din para gawin 'to. Malawak ang mundo. Nagkalat lang ang mga kaisipan sa tabi-tabi.
Hanggang sa susunod kong katha.
- Baliwantunaan,
07 Hulyo 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
De-Spell
With a flick of a wand, everything became so quiet, just like nothing ever existed to make a single sound.
I loved silence more than anything else before. In silence, I can think new and better ideas. In silence, I can relax my mind and let it fly along the wind. In silence, I can create a clear view of my goal, a straight path towards my dream.
But then, something took me by storm. It also took away the silence I've used to live in. Since then, I started loving the noise. It was a noise worth going crazy for. A noise that you would like to hear and retain from your senses from the start of the day until you end dreaming. A noise that gives color and life to everything.
A noise called Love. Mutual love, this time.
I was caught by a trance. I was enchanted to the point that everything I saw shines brightly. That magic felt good. I never intended to cast off that spell because everything felt alright. I wished for the spell to last longer. I wished there's another chant to make it infinite. But I guess, there are limits to the bounds of man, even to the realms of magic - or perhaps, a limit to the spellcaster and the object, to make the magic in continuous effect.
It came so suddenly; it ended abruptly.
Perfect relationships don’t exist. There will always be a point where something will go wrong. There will be misunderstandings, commotions, and the like. No relationship will go smoothly along the way. What matters is that both parties must be willing to grow up together through thick or thin. It might really be tough to hold on if there is a huge conflict of personalities, but as long as they believe in each other, no trials will separate them. It is only a matter of personal commitment, sincerity, trust and love that will keep the fire burning.
How ironic it is for someone like me to be telling this, when I couldn’t make it work for myself.
"We dont look for love because it's lonely to watch movies alone.. because it's sad to eat meals on our own..because it's nice to cuddle up w/ someone on a rainy day..We look for love because we want to be accepted.. For the sloppy way we dress..for the clumsy way we eat our meals..for the bad hair days..& for the simplicity in us.. Love is an act of acceptance. That w/ all our imperfections, we are accepted & loved.."
I forgot that I once got this thru a text message. Funny that I only got this clear mind only after the storm. Guess I'm not good enough to handle the pressure in life-changing situations. Oh yes, I'm not exaggerating.This is a life-changing experience. Especially for someone who's a rookie in this. I should have read it over and over again to realize what I should have done to keep the magic alive.
Unfortunately, the spell was too strong that I moved on instinct and messed up my logic. I looked to no one but her. I thought of nothing but us. I cared too much for her and I, that I have forgotten a lot of things to take in before gettiing caught in this hurricane. I became selfish. I thought of changing her the way I wanted, and hoped that she will change me too. Now, it is too late to realize that love is not about changing each other. It is about growing up together despite the similtarities and differences. I thought I had already accepted everything about her - the way she laughs, cries, shouts, whines, clings, and everything. In the end, there's still something I thought she lost that she can't seem to bring back. I waited for her to realize it, but to no avail. I even brought it up to her, but I guess I wasn't heard - or wasn't loud enough to be heard. I also thought that seh had accepted everything about me, even my worst side. But I never heard from her. It might be because I'm just too insensitive not to know it or she just couldn't come to say what she really feels. I had always hoped that she will be more open to me - to share not only what she thinks and experiences, but also what she feels. That hope had gone to nothing, as she herself said that she is not vocal enough to say those kind of insights and emotions, not even to me. I promised that I will always keep my ears open for her stories and everything, but still, there are a lot of untold tales that I longed for her to tell me someday. That I never understood about her. I waited, and promised to myself to keep on waiting until the time she'll be ready to open up. I thought i am good enough at waiting. It never came, and I found myself asking more questions.
And now, the next step is to move forward. Get used to the silence once again, and live like nothing happened. Memories are always there to make me smile and cry for a minute or two. But then again, those were just pieces of the past. I have become aware of the mistakes I made and the silent desires I so wished to happen. I over-estimated myself, thought that I have enough patience to wait for something I'm longing for. Well then, I guess i'm not good in waiting. I'm no longer good at it. After this, I will have to teach myself again how to wait for something and how to make my patience good for a hundred years.
Good things come for those who wait. I thought I have waited long enough. It's a shame that she thought otherwise. I grew tired of waiting. My fault (or not, yes, it is my fault), the waiting game with her is over.
I said that I will never give up. But here I am, raising the white flag. My frustrations for waiting for quite some time has been a cause of our misunderstandings and her pain. I no longer want to bring her pain. The same way that I no longer want to wait for something not certain to happen. For me, it's a fair trade. I am not worthy of this. I will stop waiting. I will stop bringing her pain.
So, I'm saying goodbye to the noise; the noise that made me insane for more than a year ; the noise that made me a better person; the noise that made me feel important, needed and love. I loved that noise, too. It will still resound in my ears for quite some time, I know. But right now, I should love the silence more than that noise. It is homecoming for me. I'm back to this world, once again.
The enchantment has been lifted. The magic has faded. I'm back to my good old self. Powerless.
=======================================================================
O wag kang tumingin Ng ganyan sa akin Wag mo akong kulitin Wag mo akong tanungin
Dahil katulad mo Ako din ay nagbago Di na tayo katulad ng dati Kaybilis ng sandali
O kay tagal din kitang minahal O kay tagal din kitang minahal
Kung iisipin mo Di naman dati ganito Teka muna teka lang Kelan tayo nailang
Kung iisipin mo Di naman dati ganito Kaybilis kasi ng buhay Pati tayo natangay
O kay tagal din kitang minahal O kay tagal din kitang minahal
Tinatawag Kita Sinusuyo Kita Di mo man marinig Di mo man madama
O kay tagal din kitang mamahalin O kay tagal din kitang mamahalin Mamahallin Mamahalin Mamahalin
#
I loved silence more than anything else before. In silence, I can think new and better ideas. In silence, I can relax my mind and let it fly along the wind. In silence, I can create a clear view of my goal, a straight path towards my dream.
But then, something took me by storm. It also took away the silence I've used to live in. Since then, I started loving the noise. It was a noise worth going crazy for. A noise that you would like to hear and retain from your senses from the start of the day until you end dreaming. A noise that gives color and life to everything.
A noise called Love. Mutual love, this time.
I was caught by a trance. I was enchanted to the point that everything I saw shines brightly. That magic felt good. I never intended to cast off that spell because everything felt alright. I wished for the spell to last longer. I wished there's another chant to make it infinite. But I guess, there are limits to the bounds of man, even to the realms of magic - or perhaps, a limit to the spellcaster and the object, to make the magic in continuous effect.
It came so suddenly; it ended abruptly.
Perfect relationships don’t exist. There will always be a point where something will go wrong. There will be misunderstandings, commotions, and the like. No relationship will go smoothly along the way. What matters is that both parties must be willing to grow up together through thick or thin. It might really be tough to hold on if there is a huge conflict of personalities, but as long as they believe in each other, no trials will separate them. It is only a matter of personal commitment, sincerity, trust and love that will keep the fire burning.
How ironic it is for someone like me to be telling this, when I couldn’t make it work for myself.
"We dont look for love because it's lonely to watch movies alone.. because it's sad to eat meals on our own..because it's nice to cuddle up w/ someone on a rainy day..We look for love because we want to be accepted.. For the sloppy way we dress..for the clumsy way we eat our meals..for the bad hair days..& for the simplicity in us.. Love is an act of acceptance. That w/ all our imperfections, we are accepted & loved.."
I forgot that I once got this thru a text message. Funny that I only got this clear mind only after the storm. Guess I'm not good enough to handle the pressure in life-changing situations. Oh yes, I'm not exaggerating.This is a life-changing experience. Especially for someone who's a rookie in this. I should have read it over and over again to realize what I should have done to keep the magic alive.
Unfortunately, the spell was too strong that I moved on instinct and messed up my logic. I looked to no one but her. I thought of nothing but us. I cared too much for her and I, that I have forgotten a lot of things to take in before gettiing caught in this hurricane. I became selfish. I thought of changing her the way I wanted, and hoped that she will change me too. Now, it is too late to realize that love is not about changing each other. It is about growing up together despite the similtarities and differences. I thought I had already accepted everything about her - the way she laughs, cries, shouts, whines, clings, and everything. In the end, there's still something I thought she lost that she can't seem to bring back. I waited for her to realize it, but to no avail. I even brought it up to her, but I guess I wasn't heard - or wasn't loud enough to be heard. I also thought that seh had accepted everything about me, even my worst side. But I never heard from her. It might be because I'm just too insensitive not to know it or she just couldn't come to say what she really feels. I had always hoped that she will be more open to me - to share not only what she thinks and experiences, but also what she feels. That hope had gone to nothing, as she herself said that she is not vocal enough to say those kind of insights and emotions, not even to me. I promised that I will always keep my ears open for her stories and everything, but still, there are a lot of untold tales that I longed for her to tell me someday. That I never understood about her. I waited, and promised to myself to keep on waiting until the time she'll be ready to open up. I thought i am good enough at waiting. It never came, and I found myself asking more questions.
And now, the next step is to move forward. Get used to the silence once again, and live like nothing happened. Memories are always there to make me smile and cry for a minute or two. But then again, those were just pieces of the past. I have become aware of the mistakes I made and the silent desires I so wished to happen. I over-estimated myself, thought that I have enough patience to wait for something I'm longing for. Well then, I guess i'm not good in waiting. I'm no longer good at it. After this, I will have to teach myself again how to wait for something and how to make my patience good for a hundred years.
Good things come for those who wait. I thought I have waited long enough. It's a shame that she thought otherwise. I grew tired of waiting. My fault (or not, yes, it is my fault), the waiting game with her is over.
I said that I will never give up. But here I am, raising the white flag. My frustrations for waiting for quite some time has been a cause of our misunderstandings and her pain. I no longer want to bring her pain. The same way that I no longer want to wait for something not certain to happen. For me, it's a fair trade. I am not worthy of this. I will stop waiting. I will stop bringing her pain.
So, I'm saying goodbye to the noise; the noise that made me insane for more than a year ; the noise that made me a better person; the noise that made me feel important, needed and love. I loved that noise, too. It will still resound in my ears for quite some time, I know. But right now, I should love the silence more than that noise. It is homecoming for me. I'm back to this world, once again.
The enchantment has been lifted. The magic has faded. I'm back to my good old self. Powerless.
=======================================================================
O wag kang tumingin Ng ganyan sa akin Wag mo akong kulitin Wag mo akong tanungin
Dahil katulad mo Ako din ay nagbago Di na tayo katulad ng dati Kaybilis ng sandali
O kay tagal din kitang minahal O kay tagal din kitang minahal
Kung iisipin mo Di naman dati ganito Teka muna teka lang Kelan tayo nailang
Kung iisipin mo Di naman dati ganito Kaybilis kasi ng buhay Pati tayo natangay
O kay tagal din kitang minahal O kay tagal din kitang minahal
Tinatawag Kita Sinusuyo Kita Di mo man marinig Di mo man madama
O kay tagal din kitang mamahalin O kay tagal din kitang mamahalin Mamahallin Mamahalin Mamahalin
#
Monday, April 30, 2012
Kamusta?
Tulad ng isang kaibigang matagal na hindi nakita. Unang tanong: Kamusta ka?
Unang post para sa taong 2012. Kumpirmado. Di ko natupad ang pangako ko sa huling post ko. Hopeless na talaga ako. Pero tulad ng nakagawian, isaisantabi na lang ang mga alituntuning ginawa ko, tulad ng pagsasawalambahala ng ilan sa mga patakarang sila din mismo ang gumawa. May future ako sa corruption. Bwahahaha! (Wag mangamba, malayo 'to sa landas na gusto kong tahakin)
Hindi ko alam kung anong sakit ang tumama sa 'kin. Di ba't sinabi ko noon na hilig ko ang pagbabasa at pagsusulat. Pero ngayon, nasan na? Andami ko ng nakalinyang libro na hindi pa matapos tapos basahin. Napakadami ko namang libreng oras. Matindi talaga ang tama ni katam. Tsk. Pano ba kita tatalunin? Unang hakbang: unti-untiin. Kaya eto, di ako makasigurong makagawa uli ng panibagong post. Darating din tayo dyan.
Sa ngayon, ano nga ba ang iniisip ko? Magulo, oo, matagal na. Andami kong iniisip.
Trabaho: Masaya naman ako sa bagong ginagawa ko sa trabaho. Masaya talaga maghanap, kahit minsan, nakaka-frustrate pag di agad makita ang gustong tuklasin. Mahahasa pa din ako dito, sana may sapat pang panahon para magpakasanay dito.
Pag-aaral: Sa tuwing makakabasa ako ng post ng mga naging kaklase ko sa law school at ng mga taong nakaimpluwensya sa 'kin nun college, palaging bumabalik ang isip ko sa kung pano makatutuntong muli sa paaralan. Nasubukan ko na, subalit hindi ko din natagalan . Mahirap pala talagang pagsabayin ang pag-aaral at pagtatrabaho. Lalo pa ngayon na puro panggabi na ko, pano pa kaya ako makakabalik sa matagal ko ng gustong ipagpatuloy? Hindi pa naman siguro ako ganon katanda, pero pakiramdam ko, napag-iiwanan na ako. Oo, palaging nakatingin ang isang mata ko sa pag-aaral. Ang problema, hanggang tingin na lang, di magawang gumalaw ng mga paa ko ayon sa iniisip at nakikita. Isa lang maipapangako ko sa sarili ko: Babalik at babalik ako, abutin man ng mahabang panahon.
Pag-ibig: Next topic, please :))) Basta ang sa'kin lang, sa'kin na lang :))) Masaya maghintay :)
O kaytagal din kitang minahal O kaytagal din kitang minahal...
Pagsusulat: Eto na talaga siguro, bukod sa pag-aaral, ang isa sa mga frustrations ko. Gustuhin ko mang maging katulad ni Portgas D. Ace "Who lived without no regrets", mukhang mahirap para sa 'kin. Sabagay, hindi pa naman tapos ang buhay ko (sana tumagal pa kahit ilang taon lang), pwede ko pa tong balikan. Makapagsulat man lang kahit walang direksyon. Dun lang naman ako magaling. Puro abstract, walang objective, scope and limitations, methodology, results and conclusion. Dito ako masaya at ito ang paraan ko, kaya wala akong dapat ikahiya. Nagsusulat ako para magpahayag, hindi para magpakitang gilas. Ito lang ang madaling paraan saken para magpahayag ng nararamdaman, sapagkat di naman talaga ako likas na makwento at palaging nakatikom lang ang bibig. Pag nakabalik na siguro ako sa pag-aaral, marahil , dun ko talaga mapwersa ang sarili ko na magsalita (nang malakas). Soft spoken daw ako eh, and I admit it. Kelangan ko pa talaga ng madaming training.
Pakikisalamuha (Social Life, hahaha): Meron pa din naman ako nito kahit hindi halata hahaha! Isang bagay lang siguro na nami-miss ko eh yung magkaroon ng kaibigan na mapagsasabihan ko ng lahat - lahat. Meron pa din naman sa ngayon, kahit di na ganon kadalas. Sana lang maulit yung mga panahon na nakakagala kami ng mga kaibigan ko nung high school/college, etc. Kung hindi siguro busy, sana makatakas kahit ilang oras lang.
Pulitika: Hmmmm, no comment :) Intayin ko na lang uli ang pagbabalik ng impeachment trial para naman madami pa akong matutunan, katuwaan, kainisan, sang-ayunan at kontrahin. Magandang paraan din siguro to ng pagkokondisyon sa isip kong unti-unti nang kinakalawang. Penge ng Tide, makapagbura :D
Pamilya, Relihiyon: 2 sa pinakamahalagang aspeto sa buhay ng bawat tao, 2 din sa mga halos di ko na napagtutuunan ng pansin. Aminado ako naging makasarili ako, tinamad, at lahat pa ng kung ano-anong maitatapat sa isang palpak na anak/katoliko. Gusto kong ibalik ang dating ako. Ako na madalas sumimba, magdasal, makisama sa pamilya, etc. Kung may mga bagay man ako na gusto pang pagbutihin, ito ang maging priority ko. Ironic, priority, pero pang-huli sa listahan. Tinatawanan ko na naman ang sarili ko. Sige lang, ako nga si kabaliwantunaan eh.
Ano pa ba? Masyado na ata akong madaldal. Good start :)
Hanggang sa uulitin. Nga pala, eto sagot ko sa tanong:
"Heto, buhay pa din."
Unang post para sa taong 2012. Kumpirmado. Di ko natupad ang pangako ko sa huling post ko. Hopeless na talaga ako. Pero tulad ng nakagawian, isaisantabi na lang ang mga alituntuning ginawa ko, tulad ng pagsasawalambahala ng ilan sa mga patakarang sila din mismo ang gumawa. May future ako sa corruption. Bwahahaha! (Wag mangamba, malayo 'to sa landas na gusto kong tahakin)
Hindi ko alam kung anong sakit ang tumama sa 'kin. Di ba't sinabi ko noon na hilig ko ang pagbabasa at pagsusulat. Pero ngayon, nasan na? Andami ko ng nakalinyang libro na hindi pa matapos tapos basahin. Napakadami ko namang libreng oras. Matindi talaga ang tama ni katam. Tsk. Pano ba kita tatalunin? Unang hakbang: unti-untiin. Kaya eto, di ako makasigurong makagawa uli ng panibagong post. Darating din tayo dyan.
Sa ngayon, ano nga ba ang iniisip ko? Magulo, oo, matagal na. Andami kong iniisip.
Trabaho: Masaya naman ako sa bagong ginagawa ko sa trabaho. Masaya talaga maghanap, kahit minsan, nakaka-frustrate pag di agad makita ang gustong tuklasin. Mahahasa pa din ako dito, sana may sapat pang panahon para magpakasanay dito.
Pag-aaral: Sa tuwing makakabasa ako ng post ng mga naging kaklase ko sa law school at ng mga taong nakaimpluwensya sa 'kin nun college, palaging bumabalik ang isip ko sa kung pano makatutuntong muli sa paaralan. Nasubukan ko na, subalit hindi ko din natagalan . Mahirap pala talagang pagsabayin ang pag-aaral at pagtatrabaho. Lalo pa ngayon na puro panggabi na ko, pano pa kaya ako makakabalik sa matagal ko ng gustong ipagpatuloy? Hindi pa naman siguro ako ganon katanda, pero pakiramdam ko, napag-iiwanan na ako. Oo, palaging nakatingin ang isang mata ko sa pag-aaral. Ang problema, hanggang tingin na lang, di magawang gumalaw ng mga paa ko ayon sa iniisip at nakikita. Isa lang maipapangako ko sa sarili ko: Babalik at babalik ako, abutin man ng mahabang panahon.
Pag-ibig: Next topic, please :))) Basta ang sa'kin lang, sa'kin na lang :))) Masaya maghintay :)
O kaytagal din kitang minahal O kaytagal din kitang minahal...
Pagsusulat: Eto na talaga siguro, bukod sa pag-aaral, ang isa sa mga frustrations ko. Gustuhin ko mang maging katulad ni Portgas D. Ace "Who lived without no regrets", mukhang mahirap para sa 'kin. Sabagay, hindi pa naman tapos ang buhay ko (sana tumagal pa kahit ilang taon lang), pwede ko pa tong balikan. Makapagsulat man lang kahit walang direksyon. Dun lang naman ako magaling. Puro abstract, walang objective, scope and limitations, methodology, results and conclusion. Dito ako masaya at ito ang paraan ko, kaya wala akong dapat ikahiya. Nagsusulat ako para magpahayag, hindi para magpakitang gilas. Ito lang ang madaling paraan saken para magpahayag ng nararamdaman, sapagkat di naman talaga ako likas na makwento at palaging nakatikom lang ang bibig. Pag nakabalik na siguro ako sa pag-aaral, marahil , dun ko talaga mapwersa ang sarili ko na magsalita (nang malakas). Soft spoken daw ako eh, and I admit it. Kelangan ko pa talaga ng madaming training.
Pakikisalamuha (Social Life, hahaha): Meron pa din naman ako nito kahit hindi halata hahaha! Isang bagay lang siguro na nami-miss ko eh yung magkaroon ng kaibigan na mapagsasabihan ko ng lahat - lahat. Meron pa din naman sa ngayon, kahit di na ganon kadalas. Sana lang maulit yung mga panahon na nakakagala kami ng mga kaibigan ko nung high school/college, etc. Kung hindi siguro busy, sana makatakas kahit ilang oras lang.
Pulitika: Hmmmm, no comment :) Intayin ko na lang uli ang pagbabalik ng impeachment trial para naman madami pa akong matutunan, katuwaan, kainisan, sang-ayunan at kontrahin. Magandang paraan din siguro to ng pagkokondisyon sa isip kong unti-unti nang kinakalawang. Penge ng Tide, makapagbura :D
Pamilya, Relihiyon: 2 sa pinakamahalagang aspeto sa buhay ng bawat tao, 2 din sa mga halos di ko na napagtutuunan ng pansin. Aminado ako naging makasarili ako, tinamad, at lahat pa ng kung ano-anong maitatapat sa isang palpak na anak/katoliko. Gusto kong ibalik ang dating ako. Ako na madalas sumimba, magdasal, makisama sa pamilya, etc. Kung may mga bagay man ako na gusto pang pagbutihin, ito ang maging priority ko. Ironic, priority, pero pang-huli sa listahan. Tinatawanan ko na naman ang sarili ko. Sige lang, ako nga si kabaliwantunaan eh.
Ano pa ba? Masyado na ata akong madaldal. Good start :)
Hanggang sa uulitin. Nga pala, eto sagot ko sa tanong:
"Heto, buhay pa din."
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