Deja Vu

How does it feel to be screamed at the top (or nearly) of somebody else's lungs?

- It feels great! At the least, this is what I expected to receive even before stepping inside the classroom.

For now, I am glad someone recognized how stupid I am.

I am entering ground zero with nothing but guts(and a bit of luck). But (and surely) it seems it wasn't enough.

I am fully aware that we are about to meet "gods" in that place called "hell". We've been warned about it years ago. (I can imagine my former "master" with his pronouncement: "I told you so".) So far, in my second week of classes, there's just one of those gods (errr, or just an apostle maybe). I am not afraid of these gods as long as I know that I have the weapons to neutralize them. Unfortunately,I am very far from reaching those high-powered weapons, only able to bring with me a stick which can barely scratch their gold-plated armors.

So, my first encounter (or should I say "reunion") with a god turned out to be a repeat of my very first actual meeting with such years back. It's obvious that I am not fully prepared for that. I only brought a moist matchstick with me: capable of bringing out sparks but failed to light the grand fire. At the end of the day, I'm worn out of the clash, not realizing that this is just the "initial conflict" of the story.

I am here to build my confidence (which I definitely lack). With this and much knowledge, I will get back to that battlefield and definitely ring the signal to counter-attack.

Memorize not Understand?

So, despite the confusion three years ago:

http://baliwantunaan.blogspot.com/2009/09/changes-posted-in-fs-blog-may-15-2007.html

Here I am now - Threading the path I once thought of doesn't belong to me. To date, I am still unsure about this. Knowing that I have somehow degraded myself from a lot of activities other than mind-enriching ones(I guess reading manga counts as an exception, but work, yes), I continued walking the path of carnage. The outcome: a weaker me. Maybe it's just me, but it seems that I have lost my ability to quickly grasp things and memorize concepts. (one of the few I can be proud of... before) A good memory is what I need at present. I know it is always essential in studying, although a College Professor insisted before the need to "Analyze and not Memorize". Being his follower (and also 'coz I quite believe in the same), that quote has become a guide in my succeeding classes.

Here comes the "actual" experience. Upon my first step on ground zero, another master in the field made an opposite argument.

"Memorize, not understand".

This could mean literally, or it simply implies to give more priority in memorizing rather than understanding. Well, we all look at the same thing differently (I'm beginning to use this phrase quite often). It depends upon our interpretation, whether this will be construed strictly against us or liberally in favor of the other. [What the hell am I talking about?]

It's a long way to go. I could be derailed from this track, who knows? Might be voluntary or forcibly, whatever happens, I am bound to accept. But for the meantime, I'll persevere to keep in this track until that day comes [or does not come/ Here we go again, stipulating a resolutory condition].

Almost forgot what I need right now.

Read,read and read. Then memorize.

Capacity's running out, maybe I need a new hard drive.