Thank you, September

The first Ber month of the year is about to end. There are a lot of things I've got to thank for this past month. 

My post count here started to increase again. It's been a while since I had this many posts in a month, perhaps when I was just starting this blog 3 years ago. I'm glad to be back to my good old self. I am so happy to be writing like this again. 

One of the reasons for this is the CLP. My retreat had really started the change I wanted to see in me. After all the trials, sorrows, endings and misfortunes, there's no better way to restart but to turn to Him. With this in mind, I went on that fateful two-day retreat - had total silence, a perfect time for self-reflection and listening to what God wants me to hear. A broken heart has been healed. I'm back to the light, and I will continue along this way as long as I can. I have found my peace with Him. 

A weekly account of the events in CLP gave me a motivation to write here. With those records, I can look back at what I have learned, and hopefully, share this with others. It was one of my missions for joining after all.

Another one: I am thankful for the heaven's brightest star. It was like I was back at school due to my daily/weekly assignment. I have never "forced" myself to write literary works (if those will really qualify as one) just to express myself. I was proud of the product of my labor. I was able to deliver my message, my only intention for taking my pen and notebook with me. I wish that my message went through. Now, I had the response which I was expecting. Though not the result I was hoping for (hoping and expecting are two different things),  I'm still proud of it anyway. It is my own work after all, though it may have had a different meaning to her. I'm glad that I prepared myself for the outcome of my literary work. Thanks to the peace I found, I can feel like I'll be strong enough to face any trial or misfortune that will come my way. 

I just tried to reach a dream. I may have failed, but I'm more than happy that I tried. I have no regrets. My intention to be heard have reached her. I will welcome the result with open arms and a peaceful heart. It is good to move forward with a bit of courage, something I have learned from my past experiences. 

I will continue my journey. I will still be amazed by the beauty of that star. I will still cherish the light she shared with me and use it as a motivation to keep on the reaching my other dreams. But this time, I will stop chasing her light. I can't thank God enough for letting me see that light of revival in the time I was in total darkness. That light made me better.

September has been a great month for me. For my writing, faith, heart, and dreams. I pray that the next months will be the same like this one, or perhaps even better. Along with the prayer, I will commit myself to choose the right path, and take a stand on everything. 

Thank you, September. 

Repentance and Faith: CLP Day 5 Talk 4

Here goes the last talk to complete Module 1. Majority of the brothers and sisters mentioned that this is one of the talks that change their outlook in life. With an overview of the theme, I guess this will also apply to me. 

The skies are quite clear by 6:00 in the evening this Saturday - an indication that there will be more participants this time. And yet, it is. I'm glad that we're almost double in numbers compared last week. 

It is unusual not seeing Bro. Elmar around as he is the Team Leader for this CLP. Apparently, he can't come this session. Bro. Ross took over his role for this day. (Speaking of Bro. Ross, he showed me a magic trick just before the talk started, something to entertain us. I guess I'm not really good at those hand tricks. I wanna thank him for reaching out to us and giving a warm welcome.) Bro. Jhat, the Chapter Head, was back as well. He's the one of those who told us how this talk has changed him. Not just the talk, but also the worship song. 

It is also the first time that I had a chat with one of the sister participants , though I haven't asked her name (I've heard it was Shy, will ask her next week). It is nice having this short conversations with the people around you, it boosts up my sense of belongingness, something good for a naturally silent and timid person like me. 

Let's proceed with the songs. I don't feel like my voice is in good condition today, but nonetheless, I will sing Him praises and worship. 

Oh God is enough for me

Nothing else will ever be

And I am satisfied 

For I have found my peace

==

I stand on higher ground

I was lost but now I'm here

With you, my refuge

My stronghold, always

With you, faithful one

Holding on

I am always with you

==

Jesus, I believe in you

And I would go 

To the ends of the earth

For you alone are the son of God

And all the world will see

That you are God

You are God

Bro. Arnold, a member of Couples for Christ and previously SFC as well was our speaker for the day. He started with a short tale on the wrongdoings he'd committed as a child and before joining SFC. Somehow, I can connect to what he is saying, for I myself have done those in the past. For all these, we need repentance: not just a simple mindset of avoiding the sins, but actually working on it. It is about taking that step. It doesn't need to be all at once. A step at a time is enough. I have just had my confession last July on my solo retreat, so I felt like I'm feeling lesser guilt for the sins I previously committed. But as Bro. Arnold said, they will come back. There will be temptations to lure as away from God, for us to commit those sins once more. I for one have seen those temptations: most I was able to withstand, but some are still coming back. This battle will continue for quite some time. But with God, I know I will always emerge victorious. Because along with repentance, we need Faith to keep us away from sins. The stronger our faith, the weaker the other forces will be.

Faith is believing without seeing.  Our eyes alone is not enough in faith. What we need is our hearts - and the conviction to follow Him. So we ask, Open the eyes of my heart, Lord.

Since the topic is about repentance and faith, the story of the Prodigal Son will never be missed. The sharers also told of stories similar to the Prodigal Son. I can relate to the story. I have just returned, and I pray that I will keep on threading this path.  I was once blinded by a relationship, that I failed to observe the other things in life, specially my faith in Him. I was glad to be back here. And of course, it is Bro. Den (Pogi ^_^)'s turn to share. The group sharing we had is also an eye opener to me. I had a flashback of my past, and smiled after thinking how those memories had molded me. 

Before the start of the new module next week, we have scheduled our One-To-Ones with our facilitators. I'll be looking forward to my OTO with Bro. Den. I hope to share some more, and learn more as well. 

I have found my peace.

Till next time!

My Poem

Unspoken words
Unwritten letters
Random lines
Misquoted passages
Broken rhymes
Miscalculated syllables
Misused styles
Unstructured verses
Thoughts and messages
Dressed as poetry

Day 4 Session 3: What it means to be a Christian

I guess every Saturday night will be a rainy one. God showers His grace, and we are blessed to receive it.

It was quite a quiet day as there were only 6 of us (participants) for this session. Could be attributed to the continuous downpour, I assume. I hope that we’ll gain numbers again by next week.

The talk started at around 8 in the evening. Again, I seem to recall the praise songs we had that night. It’s time to sing once more:

We will rise

We will run

We will exalt the name of Jesus

By His blood we overcome

We will sing

We will dance

Come on and celebrate the kingdom of our God

==

There’s nothing more I want

There’s nothing more I need

There’s nothing more I want

There’s nothing more I need

Than to be with You

==

Lord I wanna be in heaven with You

Right by your side I stay

Worshipping you all day

I will live and die for you

Anything I will do

For Heaven is here in my heart…

Bro. Sid, the former Chapter Head, conducted the talk. He started by sharing how he have been invited to do the talk on the same topic three times already, but could not make the first two. God is good, for he felt that he was really meant to share his thoughts on the theme, and has finally done it with us. His talk revolved on three parts: misconceptions, essence, and practical implications of Christianity in our lives. I for one have experienced/believed the misconceptions or incomplete notions about Christianity. It is not a mere religious, moral, social or humanitarian system. It is not even an escape to the realities of life. We tend to think about it in one or more of the following. What we fail to see is that there is a deeper meaning to being a Christian. Being a Christian means a union with God, made possible through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ (as what was mentioned in Talk 2). It is about accepting God in our lives, making Him lead it. He has a good plan for us after all (Jr: 29:11-13). God is our Father; we are all brothers and sisters. We should not worry for God will provide for us (Lk 12:22-31).

While hearing these bible verses and insights, I remembered the retreat I previously had at Tagaytay. These are the same verses I have read and pondered in those two days of solitude. I was glad to hear them again. Since then, I’ve been feeling better, for I know “heaven is here in my heart”.  And of all the things I really appreciate right now is the peace and joy in my heart despite anything that happens around me. I feel like I’m doing better at work and in my relationship with other people with this peace and joy. At times, negative thoughts are trying to creep in my mind. This same peace and joy helps me overpower those negative thoughts and see the brighter side of things. Also, this will keep my heart happy and contented although I just failed to reach something that only exists in my dreams. It is God’s will, so be it. I believe He has a better plan for me. :)

The first module is almost done. See you in Session 4. 

Day 3 Talk 2: Who is Jesus Christ?

I wasn’t able to attend this session due to a separate commitment. Nonetheless, I thank God for Bro. Den (Pogi ^_^) for granting my previous request to save me a copy of the participant’s handout. Now I can share something regarding the topic. I hope that after the makeup session two weeks from now, I can make some changes here and add a few more insights. Also, I want to add the “musical” side of the day, as it was one of the things I’m looking forward to every session. After all, it is my chance to sing my heart out and loud (though out of tune) with praises and worship to Him.

Way back to the Old Testament, the coming of Jesus has been announced a couple of times. And with his birth, He made such an impact in history that it also made way for the division of those times to BC and AD. He came into the world not to live, but to die for us and to save us. They say that Christianity started on that fateful day.

Through the daily readings, Jesus was described in many ways: First, Jesus as the bread of life (Jn 6:32-40); Second, Jesus as the good shepherd (Jn 10:7-15); third, Jesus as the Way, the Truth, and the Life; fourth, Jesus working as the Son of God (Jn 5 : 18-24); and so on and so forth. Jesus claimed to be a God, something no other religious leader was able to do so. He has done the work of God through the miracles of healing the sick and raising the dead.

Again, I hope to share more regarding the topic by the time I attended the makeup session for this talk. I will go back here, and look forward to a better story. 

Long Time No See

"Long time no see!"

--- The very first line I can remember when I think of the first days we met back in our elementary days. I can only say the same line right now, 'coz it's been so long since I last saw you.

Six years ago --  those were the days I considered the "golden age of my cellphone". That was when I found your account in Friendster, we became textmates, you've mistaken me for a namesake, but still, we ended up being good , if not, close friends. Going back to those days makes me realize that it was the year when I started to experience the best of my times. My life has been filled with thrill, music, excitement, friendship, love, heartaches, hello's and goodbye's since then. It all began when I met you, the bestfriend who changed half of my life back then.

I will never forget the days when I got so hooked on my radio, waiting for the "song without title", while you're listening there . I miss singing thru text messages, exchanging lines to somehow render a duet of "Alipin".  I miss the words of wisdom, the memorable quotes, our "hopeless romantic" love stories back then, texting from day to night, sharing stories of what happened the entire day. I miss everything. Even when you lost your phone, we continued the exchange of messages thru FS. I miss giving you updates on Bituing Walang Ningning, Dorina and Lavina. I miss giving you a report on my school performance, schedule and subjects for the next semester, and my hopeless stories of the girl I wanted to take care of. I miss your advice on school, family, and even on lovelife (though there really is none back then, ^_^). I considered you a sister, a mother, my best friend, and of course, my Kambal. My life turned from nothing to something. That is how much your friendship meant to me.

Times change. And so do people. I can still remember at one point, we made a promise that no matter what happens, that we may fail to keep in touch with one another, yet, we will remain as good friends. We've been busy with our lives, our studies, families, friends and career. So it happened. We've been parted in silence, just like most childhood friends. During those days, I enjoyed the company of another circle of friends, but most of the time, I was alone. I can only read your 1-3 year old messages to save a smile in my face. I was so attached to our friendship back then, that I can only write a couple of notes carrying my sentiments to the most missed bestfriend. I was weak, you are strong. Moving forward has been difficult for me. Just then, I must apologize if some of those notes made you cry. It was never my intention to bring you into tears. I'm just a selfish guy who wants to be with his bestfriend back then. I'm sorry.

Then we found a way to communicate once more. Though not the same as it used to be, I'm just glad to learn more about you again, the bestfriend who had the most influence over me during my transition from school life to the corporate world. I've accepted that things change. It's human nature. We've grown apart. We had our share of great experiences while we're away. I was hoping to share a new set of stories with you again. I became a better storyteller because of you. I became a good listener as well, as you said, an "absorber". This time, we're older, wiser. Though things have changed, and we may not be like how we once were, I'm still looking forward to the day I can tell you those stories again. I'm hoping to receive and share the old text messages/quotes I memorized before. And finally, I'm hoping to call you "kambal" again, even for just one last time.

I haven't really given you a birthday present ever since I met you again. I owe you six years worth of gifts. I hope this works as one. I'll compensate for the remaining somehow :D

Happy Birthday, my good old bestfriend!

Thank you for the life-changing lessons you taught me. And of course, for the great friendship you offered. I'll treasure them here ----> <3 .="." br="br">
And of course...

Long time no see!

To my dream star

i

Dashing ahead
She passed by my seat
A split second eye contact
A familiar face I thought it was


ii

Standing beside her in a crowd
Inches separating us
I glanced at her and leapt for joy
The familiar face now has a name


iii

Her name appeared again
First conversation
A training session
And a silent film


iv

First question
First response
First pages of the book opened
First thread of knowledge shared


v

The star grew wiser
Another year on the record
A stranger can only offer
A short greeting and a note


vi

A few more questions
A couple of even better answers
The learning gets deeper
The respect and admiration grew stronger


vii

The unlucky day's the exact opposite
I never learned more enough
I never smiled longer enough
The first smile of the star - Priceless


viii

The teacher became a master
Conversations with a bit of laughter
A few words of encouragement
Made the disciple a whole lot better


ix

A self-professed fan
To a noteworthy star
Admiring from afar
Silently wishing for an unexpected plan


x

Try-to-stay-awake-Mondays
Even a star gets sleepy these days
What will keep her up?
A cup of coffee and a pudding cup?


xi

A tough problem
A new lesson
I took it as a challenge
From the star of the endless horizon


xii

A goal declared
Try and be like her
With her unsolicited advice
On patience and willingness


xiii

A present for her
A sign of gratitude
The first time I heard her voice
The first real conversation


xiv

Taking accountability a notch higher
Holding myself back from asking
Another words of encouragement
So my direction indeed is right


xv

Another broken note
Along the strong wind
And a heavy downpour
Wishing the star a safe trip back home


xvi

A surprise greeting from the star
Along with a question
My turn to give back something
Turned out to be another failure


xvii

"Curiosity kills the cat
But you're not a cat so..."
Can I be curious not about the subject matter
But of the subject master?


xviii

Accepted defeat before the battle started
Revived hope as the star initiated
My pen and notebook became lively again
A hopeless romantic in action once more